My secret life as a funeral crasher

Today: Ecclesiastes 5-8

Have I told you about the time I crashed a funeral?

If not, you can read more about that experience below. I remembered it today when I read this part of Ecclesiastes:

You learn more at a funeral than at a feast—

After all, that's where we'll end up.

We might discover something from it.

I certainly did. Memories of a stranger's funeral still stick in my brain more than two and a half years later. Take a look at this:

My secret life as a funeral crasher
(Originally posted on September 6, 2007)

Last week I went to the funeral of a complete stranger. [ In case you're wondering--no, I'm not planning on writing a movie/book called "Funeral Crashers" :) ] My boss and I actually went to support a co-worker who was a very close family friend (the man who died was like a second father to her). Not to sound completely morbid, but it's amazing what you can learn about someone at their funeral.

If you know me, you know I'm not really a crier. That's why it was so strange to find myself completely misty-eyed at a stranger's funeral. It's exactly one week later. And some of the words and themes from this stranger's funeral are still ringing in my head--so I thought I'd share them with you.

"Love outside the lines."

This was the theme of the minister's message, but what probably stands out more were the stories of the man who passed away exemplifying this characteristic--and the stories were really simple. A guy who helped complete strangers move. Who bought softball equipment for kids on the team who couldn't afford it. A guy who loved his neighbors as family. A man who made an event--a BBQ or poker game--just a bit cooler by simply being there and giving respect to those around him.

I don't know if the man who passed away was a Christian...I didn't know him at all (hence the funeral crashing). But his "love outside the lines" expressed a glimpse of God's generous and extravagant love toward people. I hope that I can learn love "love outside the lines" more often--even in the little things.

"10 Reasons to Have Hope"

The deceased man's brother-in-law gave a short reading on "10 Reasons to Have Hope" based on key Scriptures. I wish I had a copy of it ... but it was just a cool reminder that we can always have hope in a God who understands our humanity, walks beside us and has a purpose for our lives.

"It's clear he was loved. But more importantly, he was respected."

These words came during the "open mic" section of the service from a man in the audience. I think they struck me because it was interesting to hear a man talk about another man in his own words. (If you've read the book Love and Respect, you'll know what I mean). The men who spoke of the deceased mentioned his love for his family, but talked more about his integrity, work ethic, insight, character--and the validation they found from him simply as a guy they were proud to call their friend.

"How Great Thou Art"

To close the (VERY traditional) service, we sang "How Great Thou Art." I don't think I have sung that song since high school--I'm much more into modern worship music. But there was something pretty powerful about a gathering of strangers (Christian and not) at a funeral singing "How Great Thou Art," a song that is all about standing in "awesome wonder" of God's greatness and power. At that moment, my tears faded and I stood in gratitude and praise of this God I have the privilege of actually knowing ... the God who loves me ... that I can actually call my friend. The God that continually teaches me new things every single day. Even through a debut as a funeral crasher.

Tomorrow: Ecclesiastes 9-12

The right thing at the right time

Today: Ecclesiastes 1-4

Confession: I may have been a district-level spelling bee champ (fact check: sixth grade winner representing private schools in Washington state), but Ecclesiastes is still a little hard for me. But in the spirit of the book, it doesn't matter anyway, right? :)

I'm joking a little, but the book of Ecclesiastes may seem depressing at moments. It's not exactly sugar-coated comfort to think of your life as not much more than a whiff of smoke, a vapor. But even smoke can smell like a wonderful candle--or burnt hair. A vapor can give you a whiff of perfume, chocolate chip cookies...or a garbage dump.

I do think that the book of Ecclesiastes is great at providing perspective. That annoying job you have at the moment? It probably won't matter in the next 20 years...and it definitely won't matter in the next 100 years. That MAJOR FIGHT you had with your boyfriend/girlfriend? You won't even remember it when you're on your deathbed. The fact that you're rich, poor, single, married, a parent, childless, fat or thin? Doesn't really matter at all in the span of eternity.

Speaking of perspective...this section in particular is great at illustrating the importance of timing (it may look like a Beatles song, but I assure you--they got it from here!):

There's an opportune time to do things,

a right time for everything on the earth:

A right time for birth and another for death,

A right time to plant and another to reap,

A right time to kill and another to heal,

A right time to destroy and another to construct,

A right time to cry and another to laugh,

A right time to lament and another to cheer,

A right time to make love and another to abstain,

A right time to embrace and another to part,

A right time to search and another to count your losses,

A right time to hold on and another to let go,

A right time to rip out and another to mend,

A right time to shut up and another to speak up,

A right time to love and another to hate,

A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

This passage is different from others in illustrating not just what is right, but the importance of when. In other words, it's entirely possible to do the right thing at the wrong time--we should all seek to do the right thing at the right time.

I bet you're thinking "Wow, that sounds nice and all...but how do I know when the right time is happening?" It's not always easy. I think often, we have to pray for God's guidance. We need His wisdom to discern what to do and when to do it. And even when we don't know exactly, we have to walk by faith and ask Him to direct our steps. It's like the phrase, "When God closes a door, He opens a window." I believe that's true...but you and I sometimes have to walk over to the doors and windows and give them a tug.

Tomorrow: Ecclesiastes 5-8

The lesser-known part of Proverbs 31

Today: Proverbs 30-31

Proverbs 31 contains perhaps one of the most talked-about passages in the Bible, particularly at womens' conferences (though I think there are now books and messages about "The Proverbs 31 Man," too!). This famous part of the chapter describes characteristics of a good wife (if you want to read my thoughts about it, check out this old blog post called "The Prov. 31 Woman: Mother Teresa Meets Ivanka Trump?").

I'm not going to write more about that part of the chapter today. Instead, I thought it would be interesting to think and write about the part of Proverbs 31 that precedes it. It's a section labeled "Speak out for Justice." This section records advice given to a man (King Lemuel, to be exact). His mother warned him not go after women who are gold-diggers or promiscuous. She also encouraged him not to get drunk and to stay level-headed. Her key advice for her son the king?

"Speak up for the people who have no voice,

for the rights of all the down-and-outers.

Speak out for justice!

Stand up for the poor and destitute!"

I love this. I love that it encourages leaders to use their voices, power and hands to help those in need. Another thing I find interesting? These are instructions directed to a man (though I think they really apply to anyone). I find that interesting because today, compassion-oriented causes are often driven by female volunteers and leaders. I'm not saying that female leadership is bad or that male leadership is better. But I do wish more men realized that "compassion" causes aren't just women's causes. When we work together--as men and women, as teens and Baby Boomers, as couples and singles--the better we can serve the people who need help from all of us. If you're breathing and you've got a voice (or a laptop or a pen and paper or some influence), use it!

Tomorrow: Ecclesiastes 1-4

Doormats, humility and justice

Today: Proverbs 27-29

While I was reading today's passage, this proverb struck me:

If you let people treat you like a doormat,

you'll be quite forgotten in the end.

Interesting, right?

When I initially read this, I thought it was a bit strange--namely because it could be interpreted as contradictory to other passages or the actions of other Biblical figures. For example, Jesus talked about "turning the other cheek" and personally allowed Himself to be beaten and killed. He was humble...but Jesus was no doormat.

There's a difference between humility and being a doormat. What is it? And why is this proverb so prescriptive in its encouragement to not be forgotten doormats?

To answer the first question, I think it's important to look to examples of humble strength in the Bible. For example, Jesus wasn't a doormat when He overturned merchants' tables in the Temple or when He stood up to men about ready to stone an adulterous woman. With humble strength, He defended honest worship and a human life endangered by judgmental hypocrites.

Other examples of humble strength?

• David chasing the giant Goliath with some stones: He put his life on the line to take a stand for God and his people.
  
• Esther defending the Jews before her husband the king: She stopped a brutal massacre through a combination of submission and courage (which may sound contradictory, but check it out again if you didn't read the book of Esther with me earlier).
  
• Daniel's refusal to pray to a false god: He honored a higher authority (the real God) and through his lions' den experience, showed a king and a nation the power of God's faithful protection.

Arguably, Christ's death wasn't a "doormat" situation at all, but another example of humble strength. Jesus died knowing that His death was for a greater purpose. He submitted to the will of His Father...and simultaneously, revealed His omnipotent power to conquer sin and death for all mankind. There's nothing "doormat" about that!

What's the danger of allowing ourselves to be treated like doormats? At its worst, tolerating this kind of abuse shows a lack of love for ourselves and ultimately, for humanity--God's creation. If we willingly allow our own minds, bodies or spirits to be terrorized for no greater cause, it's a poor example to other people.

The second part of this verse--"you'll be quite forgotten in the end"--is also eye-opening. I don't believe that the Bible teaches us to seek fame or notoriety for our own sake. However, I do believe that sometimes God calls us to be courageous, to walk in the confidence of humble strength. Why? At its best, humble strength brings attention, fame and notoriety to God Himself. Contrary to pride, this kind of courage is not selfish--it rises to take a stand for justice and to help other people, sometimes at great risk to your own safety or ego.

Tomorrow: Proverbs 30-31

Cynics, critics and encouragement

Today: Proverbs 24-26

Today's passage had A TON of insights I could write about, but one pattern I noticed was focused on cynicism, criticism and encouragement.

The highlighted portion of this verse stood out to me:

The person who's always cooking up some evil

soon gets a reputation as prince of rogues.

Fools incubate sin;

cynics desecrate beauty.

Isn't that so true? When we're cynical or critical, we often miss the heart of someone or something else. Think about your best friend, favorite musician or leader--the odds are, that person has been criticized...perhaps for the characteristics that make them absolutely amazing in your eyes.

I thought this verse was also enlightening:

Don't jump to conclusions—

there may be a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw.

How many of us need that reminder often? Sometimes we are cynical or critical about things we just don't understand. We could be missing some major factors that, if we knew them, would lead us to a totally different judgment call.

Is it ever appropriate to critique someone else? Yes--but instead of critique or even "constructive criticism," I'd argue that we should offer encouragement to others...we should encourage them to be the people God has called them to be in a way that's challenging, but inspiring and filled with love. Take a look at these verses:

The right word at the right time

is like a custom-made piece of jewelry,

And a wise friend's timely reprimand

is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.

Patient persistence pierces through indifference;

gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses.

I don't know about you, but I've had few moments in life where I would compare a reprimand to a gold ring on my finger. That means that the reprimand didn't feel like a reprimand. These kinds of critiques come from people who actually like us. They are very valuable gifts that make us better...which is why I prefer to label such reprimands as encouragement. (Sidenote: This may sound ridiculous, but I almost picture a person asking for this kind of critique by singing a tweaked version of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" song..."If you like it, then should have put a ring on it.") :)

The point? Encouraging critique has its place. Cynicism doesn't. Dare to see and encourage the beauty and heart in others.

Related post: This is an old blog post I wrote a few years ago on a similar topic and I thought you might enjoy it. Read "The Critics' Corner."

Tomorrow: Proverbs 27-29

Dragon training and lion chasing

Today: Proverbs 22-23

Last week I was hanging out in my living room with my sister. She was typing on her laptop.

"What are you working on?" I asked.

"A dragon training presentation," she replied.

"What?!?" I asked,"That sounds pretty intense!"

She smiled and explained that the course is about a software program called Dragon--and that no firefighters would be required to be present (darn!).

While the idea of dragon training sounded a bit odd to me, in the Bible, there were people who braved similar tasks. There were people who literally chased lions or killed giants, for example. Perhaps it's because of last week's conversation with my sister, but these two lines from today's chapters caught my attention:

The loafer says, "There's a lion on the loose!
If I go out I'll be eaten alive!"

Kind of weird, right?

As I read these lines over and thought about their meaning, a few possibilities came to mind:

• First, I think it could be saying, "Don't be a lazy person content to let big challenges or enemies run wild--get up and tackle them."
  
• Another possible interpretation? "Lazy people sometimes allow fear to run their lives." Is there really a lion on the loose? How do we know that the lazy loafer even looked outside or saw anything?
  
• The third possibility is a mix of the first two--"Fear can cloud reality and turn crazy cats into lions on the loose." Maybe the lazy person saw something, but because of fear, she turned a crazy cat into a "lion on the loose."

A few other observations?

• The lion was described as "on the loose"...which means it could symbolize something that is dangerous to other people. The lazy loafer is content to stay comfortable while a deadly predator could attack his neighbors. This strikes me as not only fearful, but selfish.
  
• The lazy loafer has no faith--she automatically jumps to, "If I go out, I'll be eaten alive!" rather than praying, planning a strategy, partnering with other people to capture the lion...you get my point.

I don't know if any of these possibilities are right...and maybe all of them are correct to some extent. I think the main point is that sometimes, you and I may be called to chase lions--to protect the innocent, to conquer fear and/or to trust God to help us face challenges directly.

Next up: Dragon training. Can I bring a firefighter? :)

Tomorrow: Proverbs 24-26

Stupid is as stupid does

Today: Proverbs 19-21

I'll admit that I'm not a fan of the word "stupid." I think it's often misplaced in its usage. But one place that gets it right? The Bible, of course. Take a look at this portion of today's passage:

People ruin their lives by their own stupidity,

so why does God always get blamed?

Ouch! It's like a Biblical extension of Forrest Gump's "Stupid is as stupid does" saying--meaning that stupidity is revealed and defined by a person's actions, not an IQ test. What are some of the stupid things people do to ruin their own lives?

If we look at the context of this passage, there are a few stupid actions mentioned. Here are a few I noticed:

• Dishonesty
• Gossip
• Nagging
• Talking without anything valuable to say
• Laziness
• A quick temper
• Hard-hearted stubbornness
• Not listening to others (particularly, wise counsel)
  

Hmm...I've definitely done some of the things on this list (well okay, all of them at some point!). Yikes!

The flip side of this passage? You and I don't have to act stupid. With God's help, we can make better choices (and recognize our mistakes and ask for forgiveness when we mess up). We can choose to be honest even if it doesn't seem easy or beneficial to us. We can choose to be quiet and avoid the temptation of the rumor mill. We can work harder and smarter. We can keep quiet...especially when our minds or our emotions are not in the right place. We can listen and learn.

Like stupidity, wisdom is defined by actions ("Wisdom is as wisdom does"?). Let's avoid blaming God for our mistakes and instead, asking for His wisdom to guide our steps.

Tomorrow: Proverbs 22-23